Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The reason why I haven't written anything for a while.

 So, if you're one of the people I send this link to, you know that I have been in a state of suspended anger for almost half a year now. You guys probably know that for a few months longer, I've been averaging about four hours a day after working and going to school full time. You guys have probably noticed that the first couple months before my anger phase that I was doing all right. In fact, I was handling it pretty well and you could say that I was the happiest I've been for a long time.

I started art again after a brief pause and found an amazing art teacher that I can really connect with. I was invited to write for a blog, and that really did respark my interest in writing. If you guys don't know this already, I really enjoyed writing when I was younger, but something happened in high school that killed my spirit and I just couldn't get myself to write anymore. I was getting out of my comfort zone and I really enjoyed my public speaking class. In fact, I was actually one of the stars in that class. I finally felt like I was making progress with my life. Do you know how awesome it feels when someone you were interested in walks up to you and tells you how much you inspire them? And then everything comes to a screeching stop because all of a sudden I'm too tired to go out. What a wasted opportunity. At least when other guys cock block you they do it on purpose. He's just oblivious.

I bought a brand new electric piano to put in my room and all it does is collect dust. How painful it is to go home, have a great idea for something and you can't even write it down because all you want to do is pass out on the couch? How frustrating it is when I go to my art studio with these little kids (who draw a WAY better than me by the way) and I'm nodding in and out of sleep while trying to figure out what to draw next and no matter how hard I try, nothing comes to mind. I mean seriously. It is so frustrating knowing that these kids are better than you and that the only edge that I have on them is that I can come up with ideas. Take that away and all you have is someone 2-3 times older with a broken foundation. That hurts. A lot. So much so that it feels like a part of me died. Seriously, I never knew that one guy could just screw up so many aspects of your life all at once.

I know I've been on a pissed off rampage for too long now. There's just so many levels that he offends me on that I just didn't know how to deal with my frustrations. I hate that I've strained my relationship with you guys. I've gotten some rest, and the lines are starting to connect for me again and for the most part, this is all behind me now so... can we start off again from before all this happened?