Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Letting go

Just ignore the picture....

So a few weeks ago some asshole stole my laptop. I had all of my posts and ideas that I had stored so I could finally get this blog moving along but.. shit happens I guess. Anyways.

A little before my computer got stolen, I had finally made the conscious decision to finally let a precious friend/coworker go. I'm not sure when it started, but I had severe chronic depression. On top of that I went through various high school drama that separated me from my 'cliques', which only deepened my depression. I wish I could say that she was one of the people that led me out, but she wasn't. What she was, however, was someone that was there to help gain me gain confidence in myself that I wasn't as "off" as I thought I was. 

Fast forward to today . I still don't know what it was that caused the rift between us, but it's there. When I realized that we were never going to be as close as we used to be ever again,  the silence was.....deafening- not to mention painful. I try not to bother with her the few times we still see each other anymore. I had already gone through the five stages of grief. Maybe not in the same exact order, but I went through it. Hell, I'm pretty sure Anger and Denial cycled around a few times before I got to Acceptance. But I got there- eventually. When I finally did, the silence didn't hurt anymore.

I bought her a dozen cupcakes. She asked me why I bought them for her. I wanted to tell her it was a goodbye present. She would respond by saying "But I'm not leaving!" And then I would tell her "I meant as friends." But instead, I told her I just wanted her to know that I could never hate her. And it was true. I never can. But that doesn't mean I care about her anymore either. 

It's sad that these things happen. In a perfect world, everyone would get along and we'd all be friends. My father always tells me that you'd be lucky if you can have as many "real" friends as you can count on your hands. I'm starting to learn how true that statement is. 

But all in all, it's just another life lesson. The less time I spend worrying about her, the more energy I have putting into my other relationships- as well as budding new ones. I think that as long as I keep that in mind, I'll be able to find count one of those "real" friends with my fingers. I have to believe in that. 


  1. Had a couple of these (all girls). Never bought them cupcakes though, we just left that was all.

    1. Even though we hate each others' guts now, she was one of the people who supported me through a dark time in my life. I just wanted to celebrate what we had one more time before I finalized our separate paths. Even if she didn't know it.